The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head

...which I've found out recently thanks to several nights staying up to 2 or later doing assignments, then waking up at 8 and then doing assignments....(Actually this is nothing to what my brother's been doing, which is staying up till three o'clock THREE DAYS LATER. He's drunk so much Mother he's probably at risk of developing a womb.)

I might have contracted minor heart palpitations due to the dangerous mix of high stress levels and caffeine (it seemed like a good idea after only 5 hours of sleep). This may have contributed to me throwing up last Monday...I just kept working but with a bucket next to me - "I think the character of King Lear displays- bleurgh!- many tyrannical qualities..." 

AND still getting used to no longer being with Chappy....Yes, dear livejournal readers (i.e. Bec and Nicole :P) I broke up with Chappy, possibly the nicest guy ever. Sounds crazy, right? But I ended up realising I just saw him as a really great friend...He took it really well, which made it easier - although breaking up with someone is incredibly hard and depressing, and I think it always will be. I was seriously worried that my uni friends, 99% of whom were friends with Chappy first, would downgrade my friend level because of it....I never knew how much I underestimated their awesomeness! After Chappy went public with the news on Facebook some of them even messaged me asking how I was doing!!! Nearly cried. I'm still pretty sad about it all, but I know I made the right decision. 

Anyhooo, on to happier news: I have my first (and last) exam on the 2nd! Perfect timing actually, because NaNoWriMo starts the day before so I won't have lost much time for writing the next great literary masterpiece. Which I probably won't finish. BUT it's going to be a lot of fun trying! (Actually whether I'll be able to start is a contentious issue too, seeing as I sort of don't have a plot yet...)

Sooooo tired....any yet have to try and make sense of legal jargon I have trouble with even on 9 hours of restive sleep after watching an entire season of Boston Legal the day before.  

Sigh. Those kids in Ethiopia know nothing of my pain... 

 Why, hello there livejournal, long time no post! Ah-ha...ah-ha...*sigh*. No one's laughing, are they? No? FINE. DON'T READ MY POST. >:P

ARGH! My life is exploding!! 

Had ridiculous amounts of uni work to trawl through- correction, have ridiculous amounts of uni work to trawl through, on top of which I've had two medical dramas in the family in the past two weeks, one of which involved me having some sort of genetic arthritis, the other my half-brother in hospital after a car-crash. Oh and I forgot to do the laundry until today, so I look like a fashion-retarded slob. 

BUT looking on the bright side, I have finally got a topic approved by the most tactless and bizarre tutor IN THE ENTIRE WORLD for my Shakespeare unit. She really is awful - a few weeks ago when our first essays came back, she went through mine and someone else's work in a fair amount of detail in front of the rest of the class, telling us why we got pretty bad marks while we and everyone else got really embarrassed. I actually like getting advice on how to improve from tutors IN PRIVATE, but when she starts saying "your sentences and argument are just not structured well," in front of other people whose essays she described as publishable...It's very depressing. It's not good tutoring either, she just left me feeling utterly depressed and hopeless; I had no motivation to improve because I thought I couldn't.  Thankfully I wrenched myself out of my personal misery hole, and I'm going to really try and do a lot better this time. 

Law is sort of trailing off my to do list, but I really need to go to the law library and start reading some cases. I get so frustrated when I try and find them online, because sometimes although it seems like the database has a certain case, it turns out it's just acknowledging "yes, this case exists! BUT we're absolute bastards, so although you've gone to all the effort to search for it online, you're going to have to trek all the way to the Law Library, try and find the right volume, discover it's already out/gone/damaged beyond repair, then cry. Yes, bastards, we know."

Sigh. 

And then I remember how the online versions didn't even exist at one point and yet law students did, so there has to be hard copies of the cases somewhere. Still, wingeing is a lot more entertaining than just getting on with it. :P

Creative writing has been AWESOME though! Loving it so much. A lot of stress at times, but I still get excited every time I start a new story. Just finished one yesterday that I've handed in to the tutor to get edited, possibly to get published in a book the tutor is PAYING FOR because he's an anarchist and doesn't care about money that much. Now this tutor, John Kinsella, is the absolute opposite of the crazy Shakespeare tutor; he listens to everyone's ideas, is supersensitive to everyone's reactions and never insults or embarrasses anyone...oh, and did I mention he's paying for our work to get published??? :P MEGA WIN!!!! He's actually pretty well known in literary circles as well; he's published something like 40 books, been an editor to literary publications and a creative writing teacher in America, England, France, Spain, and of course Australia, and seems to know personally every other literary pioneer we discuss in class. As I said, AWESOME.

Well, seeing as I have a netball game at 6:45 and I have been mooching about in the cafe for quite a while....I ought to go nerd-up in a library! At least I've had practice! (with the nerdy part; not so much the netball :P )

Impossible to answer, as any trip to a good patisserie will show! But if pushed to make a decision...sticky date pudding or a good chocolate mud cake.

When I read this question and thought back to all those years ago (2004) when I made my first post (gosh, I'm tearing up!) I thought it would be the usual first post stuff: Hi, this is me, aren't I a bit special, blah, blah...it seems I strongly underestimated how weird I was back then! Oh, who am I kidding, I'm still weird. :P If you don't believe me...

http://simpleolme.livejournal.com/2004/11/01/

If it doesn't work (trust me, hyperlinks hate me) then basically this is what it says: 

( here )Ah, the joys of being 14!

For some reason I had this strange idea when I was twelve that I was a fireman in a previous life...I wish I were a fireman in this life, then I could do something worthwhile to help the people in the Victorian fires other than donate a few dollars.

I HATE WORK - A (Silly) Philosphical Dissertation of No Importance Whatsoever

Why does work exist? As a valid legal means to gain money through hard work, creating so-called 'character' as a by-product?? NO! In actual fact, work is merely torture invented by a sadist or the Devil or BOTH.

Sigh.

And I hate the holidays too, because it seems to remind me how negligible my amount of enjoyment is compared to others!

However...the whole getting-money-thing is kind of good. Especially as I have England to look forward to! YAY!

And why does it have to be so hot?!? It takes so much effort to do anything in such heat! Even complaining! Which is ridiculous, because complaining is usually second nature to me! :P

Alright, grouch over. For now...mwah-ha-hah! That was actually quite fun...*gasp*!

I've had a fairly okay week! Which is a fairly big deal for me, considering last week when I felt completley depressed. Every time I went to work it was just...well, depressing. Now I'm actually really cheerful and - shock horror - actually enjoying it, a tiny incy bit. It may have something to do with (very cute) fellow worker Josh. And as an even bigger plus, seeing as I've been too lazy to go anywhere I've been greedily watching my bank account grow! Europe, here I come!

Ok, I'm going to do a bit of a frame thingy here, so while it may seem I'm going off the track a bit, I will be getting back on soon. Consider this a literary roadsign.

Friday Night I went to Kelsie's 21st birthday party, hitching a ride with Lawrence and Bec. Met up with heaps of people - Zac and Kate, Claire and Veech, Layli and Tom, Jai and Kevin...the last two weren't a couple, though that would be an interesting eventuality! And Kelsie's garden was amazing...it was ordered enough to be neat, but wild enough to be pretty. It had levels, and a neat little verandah thing, AND it even had one of those wooden arches that have roses growing over it! Absolutley magical. Had my first alcoholic cocktail, which was very nice, and met a few new people as well. Before we left I had a good chat to Chappy, who's trying to coordinate a trip to Europe at the end of next year with Claire and Layli and a few others, which just made me plain nostalgic! I hope I didn't monologue too much about it, as I have a tendency too...

Voila! I linked it back to Europe. Genius!

As a last comment - I miss Bec! Come back soon!

SO utterly and completely yes! She has the comedic talent to pull it off, and the show does this kind of story line really well. It would be better to confine it to one ep only though, just in case 

Oh boy!

It's funny how everytime I try and organise something with friends something inevitably goes wrong. This time not only did it get postponed for a week, but one of my great friends from school (Kate) blew me off to go down south AND the movie time I had worked the day around was cancelled, or printed wrong so we had to have lunch earlier than anticipated and catch the later showing, which meant that I couldn't meet up with Em in Freo! Sigh....

But it was amazing how fun it was! Nicole and Hannah are the best, they cheered me up so much! And gave me great presents, which is always a good quality in a friend.

Bit worried about the History Tut excercise that's due in on Monday; should really be looking for more articles now, but I'm too drained! I'll regret it tomorrow, but too bad.

I really want to start writing again...I always feel nice writing, especially at the beginning when I'm all optimistic about it. Maybe it's because I'm pretentiously identifying myself as an "artiste" - and yes, with the extra e. That's what makes it pretentious. I'd rather not think of myself as pretentious, but I usually make an effort not to be so I think I can get away with it now and again. I never wear my french beret any more (except when it's really cold and I actually need it to stop my head from freezing up and falling off) because I'm afraid people will think I'm being pretentious.

OH! Haven't broken the news yet....Thursday night was Across Mirror's (my brother's band) gig at The Castle in Northbridge - they entered a band competition and managed to get into the Grand Finale, which was Thursday night. It was my first outing post-18th birthday too, so it was doubly exciting! Three other bands were playing as well, and they were really good as well - one was hip-hoppy fun pirate music, another was stoner rock, and Harm's Way was instrumental hair metal (thank you Lawrence!). But Across Mirrrors was WAY BETTER because they are EPIC!!! Anyway, they played third, so we only had to wait for about half an hour to hear the results. Discussing Across MIrrors' chances in the meantime, it was agreed that Across Mirrors had the most amount of people actually there for them, and had the biggest mosh pit (of sober people anyway) and was the only band that had a fan who actually made a shirt with their name on it. And they won!! It was complete pandemonium when it was announced, there were people jumping on other people, I started hugging everyone (and consequently got drenched in man sweat, but it was worth it) and everyone was laughing and screaming...it was good! 

So now Lawrence and the others get time in a proper recording studio to produce an album, of which 500 copies will be made - it was so surreal to overhear the conversation that Kevin (one of the guitarists) was having with the club guy, about when they'll be ready to record, what the specs are for the album cover and everything! I'm so happy for them!

I got home so late that I slept till 1:30 the next day, which was a weird feeling, never done that before.

I feel a lot better after that! I keep on meaning to write in my special nice journal, but I'm usually too tired by the time I think of it.

Ok, I'll end my entry here, much de-stressed.

On Wednesday Mum got called at about 6 o'clock in the morning because Granny's tummy was feeling very painful. That afternoon she fainted, falling and hurting herself and so was taken to hospital, where a nurse told mum that Gran would only have a few days left. On Thursday she was transferred to Bethesda, where she usually goes for transfusions and everything, and passed away at 3:20pm. I can't even remember what I was doing then. I almost feel guilty that I didn't feel a 'disturbance in the force' like Obe-won in Episode IV when the planet gets blown up. Maybe a geeky metaphor, but the impact that her passing away has had a big effect on me. I didn't really notice it at first, but now things don't seem as fun or as important anymore. Things that used to bother me I just let them go, and I haven't really been smiling much. My muscles just seem paralyzed. I mean at times I want to laugh but I just can't. The only things that help cheer me up are Jane Austen movies. I've seen Sense and Sensibility and Northanger Abbey twice in the past week. 

I've been on duty in the support brigade for mum this entire week too, which takes a lot out of me too, but she needs it. I went with her to Granny's flat to pick up the beautiful bracket clock and silver flute vase, and we ended up staying there for over 3 hours, which was hard. All the pictures are going to Uncle Robert, except for one, which is going to Auntie LIzzie. They're family paintings, so they go to the eldest son of course. It's hard to accept though because the paintings are what I really noticed about her place - Mum's got a really nice cabinet and a small stool, but looking at them won't remind me of her. And that's literally all that Mum seems to be getting, which is ridiculous. She was the one that supported Granny the most, going to visit her or writing to her everyday, doing all the shopping with her. My aunt, who lives in Brisbane only visited now and again with all airfares and expenses paid for by Granny, and Uncle Robert, who lives in Baldivis, only comes up once a month or less and deals with her financial things. But Granny abided with the "first-born" award system; Uncle Robert as the eldest and a son, then Auntie Lizzie, then, 1/2 hr younger than her, Mum. For 30 minutes Mum misses out on so much! It's totally unfair and there's nothing that can be done about it!

I really needed that. I should have been finishing off my latin excercises, or reading up on my essay topic: Nazism. Yep, that'll cheer me up! It's just...there's no one to talk to here. Dad isn't really the best person to talk to, I only ever seem to have meaningless arguments with Lawrence and Mum is just too tired and stressed. And plus she hasn't really been here much. The past four afternoons I've spent  alone, and I can't believe how un-interesting it is spending time alone with myself. 

I want to get away! Talking with Bec about Europe has got me yearning for change. I can remember the wonderful times I"ve had in France and Spain and England...I just want 'now' to stop and 'then' to begin. I was getting excited about going to Liam's 18th as a time when I could relax with friends and have fun, but seeing as it's in Baldivis, and I'd have to spend the night, I can't go. I understand why Mum's refusing, but I feel that I haven't ever caused her to worry when I've been at a party before, and I haven't even been to that many! Whenever I'm actually invited there's a 75% chance that she'll say no. Maybe she's trying to push me into getting my licence. Well it's working!!!

I need a stress ball.